Sunday, June 11, 2006

The Johnny Con


I feel it's time to wrap up everything I do here in one neat package and tie a bow around it. So I'm going to sign off for now by announcing "The Johnny Con." This con will be huge--more outlandishly over-the-top--than any other con you've ever experienced.

Planning for the event begins immediately--but in a sense, I've been working on the Con ever since I launched the blog. What can you do to help? I need volunteers. I need donations for ARAVOSISblog 2.0--the backbone of the Con. I need you to keep buying t-shirts and
starting user sessions every hour. The Johnny Con will be big--but ONLY if you all support it.

I will reveal more details when I'm back in DC--but before I head east I'm hopping a flight to Seattle to relax at Friday Harbor. The response to my big orca adventure donation drive has been overwhelming. The donor list is a Who's Who list of DC Politics: Mainstreamers, bloggers, Democrats, Republicans--everyone wants to send Johnny A-List to swim with killer whales.

I won't be available to prioritize the important issues of the day, so I ask you all to remember what America is up against. Stay strong. Keep your eyes on the ball. Make no apologies. Show NO WEAKNESS. (Do NOT act like girls.)

Most importantly, consider setting up a recurring monthly donation to support ARAVOSISblog 2.0 and The Johnny Con, because... for just the price of a latte per day... you can help my blog save America.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Friday Orca Blogging



Ah, orcas. Noble orcas.... so very.... orca-like...

Nope. Not doing the trick. I need my own conference, that's all there is to it.

Reflections on YearlyKos

Check this out. Markos is going to be on "Meet the Press." Wow, somebody must think he's pretty cool.

No, I'm just joking around. Of course, Markos deserves all the press he's getting, he's the best... but wow--it's like he finishes up one interview and BAM, somebody else wants one. Television interviews. And you should see the T-Shirts he's been moving at this thing. Un-frigging-believable. With such a limited selection, too! (You call THIS an online store??)

But seriously, he's a great guy, a GREAT guy. Everybody says so. Everybody knows who he is, too. Which reminds me, you wouldn't believe the number of people here who act like they don't know who I am. I guess they're all just nervous. Or maybe they're all about the Kos. Whenever I get on stage, it's like Kos is a deity hovering above the room and I'm just some random blogger. I've been on fire during these panels--I should be killing, but does anyone every really notice Johnny? No! It's always "Markos, Markos, Markos!"

Get this: Markos got my blog's name wrong on his blogroll. Yeah. Look for yourself--it's right there, second from the top. (Guess what, Mr. I'mGonnaBeOnMeetThePress--there's no space in it and the first word is in all CAPS. Would you want people writing dAiLyKoS? No, you wouldn't. Why not? Because it's not fucking right, that's why.)

Ha! Just kidding around some more! Just having a little stream of consciousness posting fun here, that's all. I'm not upset--no, this conference is GREAT, I'm having a GREAT TIME. I'm REALLY LOOKING FORWARD to the next session. FUCKING AWESOME.

-JOHNNY

More T-Shirt Ideas and YearlyKos Update

Okay, HA HA, very funny, Max1Million. As if ANYONE would buy a T-shirt like this. And please, you saw my body in the last Politics TV--I wore a tight, ratty T-shirt so that everyone could see the rugged physique of a lean, mean, manly blogging machine. Yes, I am in a lifelong struggle to control my appetite and waistline, but NO, I am NOT CURRENTLY FAT.

YearlyKos has been great, but... well... I can't figure out why they haven't asked me to lead more sessions, or maybe act as a roaming expert so that all attendees can learn from Johnny A-List. I plan to ask Markos next time we cross paths. (Wherever I go, people tell me I just missed him.)

I mean, look at all the things Markos has screwed up. With my great ideas for ARAVOSISblog 2.0, it's a waste for me to spend ANY time just sitting in the audience. Nobody here has a clue about writing a well-thought out post, or how to properly frame progressive issues, or maintaining blog discipline--I mean, I met two fresh-faced young bloggers yesterday who had NEVER BANNED ANYONE. Never! Spare the rod, spoil the commenter, I always say.

Anyway, being forced to listen, listen, listen all day is REALLY taking it out of me. My orca vacation is calling right now.

-JOHNNY

ps. There are mountains in Nevada! Who knew?

Thursday, June 08, 2006

T-Shirt Ideas...


"NEW JOHNNY A-LIST BLOGWEAR! SUPPORT AMERICABLOG 2.0!
Only 400 dollars - 5 bucks goes directly to Johnny A-list BLOG 2.0!
DON'T BE A GIRL! BUY ONE TODAY. ONLY 120 Lattes!"

Well, this shirt and sales pitch come from a banned commenter, Pinko Punko... but I do like the aggressive pricing and the helpful latte conversion (everything seems cheaper in lattes!) so I will accept the entry. If Pinko wins, I will not grant him amnesty, but rather a gradual path to ARAVOSISblog citizenship, involving fines and suggested back-donations.

(Excellent use of the number "1" on a ball player's jersey. Even banned readers recognize that I am America's #1 Ball Watcher.)

I'm in Las Vegas you guys! It's great so far, except the time zones are KILLING me. The first event starts at 8:15 a.m.--that's 11:15 a.m. by my body clock!--UGGHHH!! Johnny needs his beauty sleep!

T-Shirt Contest! (What Would YOUR Johnny A-List T-Shirt Say?)



Send jpegs or gifs to aravosisblog@gmail.com, or just leave an idea in the comments!

As most of you know, I am not only a world-class blogger, activist, and blogger-activist--I'm also a professional graphic designer! And when I combine my superior design talent with my razor sharp wit, do you know what I get? That's right! ARAVOSISblog T-shirts!

Kicking back in my free time and personally designing T-shirts for you to buy (OR for your loved ones and colleagues and co-workers to buy) (either for themselves OR as gifts for the loved ones, colleagues, co-workers, or random acquaintances in THEIR lives to buy) is one of my great joys. It's just the right thing for unwinding after a long day of important blog activism.

But since I still have my hands full right now attending conferences, sorting through my friends' resumes, banning people, planning my orca vacation, and otherwise keeping my eye on the ball, I've decided to let YOU, my loyal followers, come up with my next T-shirt idea. That's right--you, a mere commenter, have a chance to have your design or slogan considered by me, the blogger, Johnny A-List!
I'll post the entries here and we can discuss them. The winner will receive 5 Get-Out-of-Deletion Free vouchers. (E-mail voucher along with deleted comment to the ARAVOSISblog Comment Review Committee, and we will re-post your comment with only minor edits.) GOOD LUCK!

- JOHNNY

P.S. I forgot something: DON'T BE INTIMIDATED! No one expects your ideas to be as good as mine are--not many people are blessed with my penetrating political wisdom, keen eye for design, and ability to turn a phrase.
P.P.S. Also, most of you aren't professional writers like I am, so your attempts at witty slogans will lack pithiness, as in, it will take you too many words to say what you are trying to say, meaning that your overall word count will reach a level that is far, far too high, when what you were trying to say could have been conveyed in less than half the time--perhaps even one-third of the time--and people reading your words may lose interest in what the shirt says before they're even half way through reading it--or even one-third of the way through--when if you'd simply stopped and thought about the topic you were thinking about for just a few seconds more, the reader would have stood a chance at understanding what the main point of your T-shirt was, but as it is, they are shit outta luck.)

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Off to the airport

Vegas bound for the YearlyKos conference. Perhaps I'll see Atrios at Midway and put my boot directly up his dirty, no-good, spying, content-stealing ass.

Johnny A-List: America's #1 Ball Watcher!

No one keeps his eyes on the ball like me, Johnny A-List. That's why ARAVOSISblog now proudly presents new ball-watching gear and schwag!



Get the gear that says: "I know the most important thing to be talking about right now, because Johnny A-List just told me!!!"

All purchases go to support me, Johnny A-List, and my dream site, which is SO CLOSE to completion I can barely contain myself! Durable banner-sized versions (suitable for display on large city buildings or buses) are available by special order in sets of 10 for only $349.99. (That's just THREE MONTHS WORTH OF DAILY LATTES!!) Order today!

666 Day - Revenge of the Gays!

It's Day Three of Happy Sodomy Day!! I want to again call attention to this, because it's beautiful example of how to frame our issues so that they get the maximum traction. Yesterday was June 6, 2006 - better known as 666 - and as I said yesterday, I can't think of a better day for the revenge of the gays!

You see, lots of far-right conservatives don't like evil things, like "The Devil" and devilish symbols, like 666. (Heck, a lot of semi-, moderate and on-the-fence conservatives hate The Devil, too.) And what's the other thing conservatives don't like? That's right! The Gays! What better way to get the attention of ALL conservatives and really move our agenda forward, than to frame ourselves as devilish and evil! That'll sure get noticed!

You see, this is the kind of insight you will only find here at ARAVOSISblog--and why progressives are so lucky to have me, Johnny A-List, on their side! (By the way, not that it's even important enough to warrant a mention, but June is Gay Pride Month if anyone's interested.) But damn, it's a SHAME 666 DAY won't ever come around again, because it was that was the BEST AND HAPPIEST SODOMY DAY, EVER!!

Monday, June 05, 2006

Did you see me on TV?

Sometimes I feel guilty that I got so much and others so little. Have you seen the latest Politics TV? Is it fair that someone with my writing ability should also be so good on camera? You know that bouncy lilt to my voice? You love it, right? I know!! I had to work on it 'til I got it just right. (I do it to keep you engaged as the words flow effortlessly, almost hypnotically, from my mouth.) Fortunately, thanks to your donations, the extra bandwidth we're getting with ARAVOSISblog 2.0 will allow me even more face time on your screen and in your homes. As I reach the pinnacle of the blogging world, I must find new mountains to conquer, and this blogger-activist is destined to be a household FACE as well as a household NAME. A great nation deserves more Johnny A-List!!

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Sunday Orca Blogging... and an Apology

Thank you for your concern. I cannot disclose to you my whereabouts over the past two days, but I can tell you that I'm fine, and that America will be stronger for the things I have done.

Still, there is never a valid excuse for denying you my talents for so long. I know that when I fail to highlight the latest TPM Muckraker articles or post inspirational orca photographs in a timely manner, your lives are the poorer for it. More importantly, America is the poorer for it. America... the name of this great nation might as well be synonymous with that of my blog, the fates of the two being so intertwined...

I must confess, I am sobbing as I type this. I am so, so, sorry. I will never leave you, America, without warning, ever again. A great nation deserves Johnny A-List.

Oh powerful orca,
Oh splendid prince of the sea,
As you are to a wounded seal,
So may I be to the targets of my blogger activism.
Enduring the hunger of the hunt,
Relishing the sweet panic of the chase,
Striking without mercy...
Help me to be America's Orca.
When we meet, someday soon,
Will we recognize?
Will you see?
Will I? WiLL I? "{will} EyE?
Oh, Orca,
WiLL?


Friday, June 02, 2006

open thread

Site's all screwed up. My brilliant tech guy should have it fixed in no time, though. Johnny A-List will be offline for most of the rest of the day taking care of important blogger-activist biz. Keep your eyes on the ball while I'm gone.

Q&A with Johnny A-List! (#3 - Johnny After Hours)

A reader asks:

Johnny, does ARAVOSISblog.com help your love life? - Ray
Well, of course! When I want to make a subtle first move, I'll post a cute guy's picture and say he's "even cuter in person" ... or I can go direct and tell a cute guy that I'm about to post his pic on "one of the top lefty political blogs"--and then ask the rest of my fans to e-mail him the link.

But most of the time I don't have to do anything at all!

Let me try to put this so that a non-A-List blogger might understand... you always try to put your best foot forward in these situations, right? Well, it just so happens that my "best foot" is this blog, and it remains forward, fully-extended, 24 hours a day, constantly showing off my penetrating political wisdom, keen insight, and enormous body of policy knowledge.

With this blog manifestation of myself permanently on display for all to see, people are gonna be impressed--there's just no stopping it. I'm already steeling myself for the new onslaught of advances when my ARAVOSISblog 2.0 launches--it's looking unbeLIEVable thanks to your donations!! (I will have to start making sure people are throwing themselves at me for the right reasons...)

But back to your question, yes. The majority of A-List bloggers seem to avoid mixing the personal with the politics, but in my case, it's completely appropriate because--like the saying goes--"If it's good for Johnny A-List, it's good for America!"

Thursday, June 01, 2006

The Associated Press Won't Know What Hit It

For those of you that haven't been paying attention recently, it's okay: Johnny A-List has his eyes on the ball. The big news in American politics is NOT the House/Senate negotiations on immigration, NOT today's Rolling Stone election fraud piece (sorry eRobin), NOT the upcoming Senate vote on Estate Tax repeal, and NOT the Army Corps of Engineers report released today detailing crucial failures....

The REALLY big news is that an Associated Press (AP) reporter just wrote a couple of bad stories, so today we're preparing to challenge AP's entire business and livelihood. We are going to really GET these guys. And if AP isn't scared, then they don't know JOHNNY A-LIST.

By the way, I am truly sorry if you've enjoyed their articles in the past, but the Associated Press is now the enemy. I know it's weird--a couple of minutes ago A.P. was kool and the gang, but things can change on a dime these days--that's why it's a good thing you have Johnny A-List on the case!

(A tough case it is, though--for not only must we fight A.P., we must contend with the wingnuts who can't stop accusing AP of liberal bias. (Although... wait a minute... if we get conservatives to boycott along with us, that'll REALLY stick it to A.P....)) Whatever, I'll figure it out. Just sit tight.

AND REMEMBER: TalkingPointsMemo may have tracked down the story, but Blogger-Activist Johnny A-List organized the protest! (Direct all media inquiries to Johnny A-List at aravosisblog@gmail.com.)

Damn it, we're really gonna make some NOISE on this one, just like we did with Chris Matthews. And if AP isn't worried? if they think they can just ignore this? that it will all just fade away? ... THEN THEY DON'T KNOW WHO THEY'RE DEALING WITH.

(Johnny A-List!!!)

-JOHNNY
America's #1 Ball Watcher

PS. AP really puts the 'AP' in "CRAP," wouldn't you say? HA HA. Associated MESS, more like it! Are you with me?!? WHO'S WITH ME!!?!?

Screw You Atrios--This Is War

"THE EVIDENCE"

MY blog:




NEFARIOUS SPYING ATRIOS' blog, three hours before:



From the entire World Wide Web, we choose to link to the same two articles. Adjacent to each other. On his site three full hours before mine. Oh sure, he changed stuff around a little bit to hide his lack of originality--NICE TRY, you lousy, no-good, spying, and evidently-mind-reading ASS WIPE.

Damn it, if this keeps up, my readers will start checking his site just to see what will be on my site three hours later. This is a blatant attempt to leech off my blog and steal eyeballs from my blog and it will not be tolerated. The gloves are coming off Mr. Eschaton--and I'm warning you, I do NOT fight like a girl.

-JOHNNY A-LIST

Q&A w/ Johnny A-List! (#2 "Censorship")

Banned Commenter Mindy writes:


I am a student at California State University Los Angeles. I posted a comment against John Aravosis about the big girl comment. Now every internet link to my school John Aravosis has banned. We have over 20,000 students. I wonder if I should submit an article to our University Times regarding Aravosis and censorship?
Mindy, thanks for your question (which I will answer publicly due to the high frequency with which I hear it).

Guess what? No. No, you should NOT write an article about John Aravosis and "censorship," because as my loyal followers will tell you, this is MY blog and I can do whatever I want with it. And what I want is to keep my eyes on the ball. And if you don't want to be a ball-watcher like me, then you can get the hell off my blog. And if your 20,000 friends are anything like you, then they are BANNED for good reason. (Frankly, I'm surprised you had the guts to even ask that question--you seem like nothing more than a big girl yourself.)

NOTE to loyal followers: As previously stated, the much-anticipated ARAVOSISblog 2.0 will allow precision-banning. I will also be able to close entire threads--not just delete threads or delete comments one-by-one. So please bear with me just a few weeks more until that happy day arrives.

Hope that answers your question, Mindy! Everyone, send questions for Johnny A-List to aravosisblog@gmail.com! New T-Shirt coming VERY SOON--PERFECT FOR FATHER'S DAY! And don't forget to DONATE to "Send Johnny to Swim with the Orcas!!!"