Sunday, June 04, 2006

Sunday Orca Blogging... and an Apology

Thank you for your concern. I cannot disclose to you my whereabouts over the past two days, but I can tell you that I'm fine, and that America will be stronger for the things I have done.

Still, there is never a valid excuse for denying you my talents for so long. I know that when I fail to highlight the latest TPM Muckraker articles or post inspirational orca photographs in a timely manner, your lives are the poorer for it. More importantly, America is the poorer for it. America... the name of this great nation might as well be synonymous with that of my blog, the fates of the two being so intertwined...

I must confess, I am sobbing as I type this. I am so, so, sorry. I will never leave you, America, without warning, ever again. A great nation deserves Johnny A-List.

Oh powerful orca,
Oh splendid prince of the sea,
As you are to a wounded seal,
So may I be to the targets of my blogger activism.
Enduring the hunger of the hunt,
Relishing the sweet panic of the chase,
Striking without mercy...
Help me to be America's Orca.
When we meet, someday soon,
Will we recognize?
Will you see?
Will I? WiLL I? "{will} EyE?
Oh, Orca,
WiLL?


22 Comments:

Blogger Guanna said...

I feel so much better now. And far more American. Thank you, Johnny A-List

6:22 PM  
Blogger clonecone said...

Thank god. I thought I was going have to Oprah blog.

6:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

All is forgiven!!

{{ group hug }}

7:20 PM  
Anonymous Chris In Paris said...

Remember folks, I'm in France and you're not. Since you take the world at face value, I thought I'd used my foreign expertise to make it clear to everyone that there are no Orcas in the Seine. That's the river that runs through Paris. [sigh] Why do I even bother?

7:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sobbing with relief here - finally I can sleep, I've been so worried I've been at my computer refreshing this page since Friday night.

8:11 PM  
Blogger beervolcano said...

For a minute I thought that maybe all those Rove operatives that are paid to post comments on your blog had finally gotten to you.

Well, thankfully, that hasn't happened (so it seems).

But I thought that while you were gone you could get your friend that worked for the DOD to post something. But, sometimes I forget that he worked in the DOD, so maybe you should remind everyone at the top of every post he makes. I, for one, can never remember important stuff like that. I guess I just need to improve my ball watching skills. You're so much better at it that everone else. Not everyone can be an A-lister.

8:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you need a vacation? Maybe overseas somewhere.....?

8:58 PM  
Blogger beervolcano said...

OH!

And I thought I'd help out by pointing out some real news stories that would be worth talking about. You know, those other blogs don't bring up certain things, it's always Bush this, Coulter that, like a tabloid. Maybe this blog could show that other blog that it might not be as A-list as it thought.

We're going to war with Iran, yay! Anyone who is against it is a stinky hippie. Anyone who is for it after we totaly destroy their country is a fascist nutbag.

http://www.wate.com/Global/story.asp?S=4980432
Rice warns Iran it doesn't have much time

http://www.informationclearinghouse.info/article13458.htm
Endgame in Iran

http://thinkprogress.org/2006/06/01/bolton-shut-up/
Bolton: ‘This is Put Up or Shut Up Time For Iran,’ Unilateral Military Action Is ‘On The Table’

http://www.craigslist.org/sfc/pol/167056358.html
CIA analyst says US will attack Iran June or July for sure

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13090174/from/RS.2/
John Negroponte, director of US national intelligence, said on Friday that Iran could have nuclear weapons by 2010 and accused Tehran of being the world's leading state sponsor of terrorism.

9:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Apologies are for girls."

10:00 PM  
Blogger sfmike said...

Thank you so much.

10:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, beervolcano -

How's come you linked to my local tv station, wate? You here?

7:50 AM  
Anonymous KathyF said...

Johnnie A, was that you I saw at Heathrow? I hope you enjoyed your vaycay!

Here's another £50 for the London Eye, from which you can sometimes see orcas in the Thames!

8:10 AM  
Blogger Johnny A-List said...

Anonymous said... "Apologies are for girls." 10:00 PM

That's right, most of the time it is not appropriate for someone of Johnny A-List's stature to apologize. But to leave the nation so suddenly, to leave America without its #1 ballwatcher, deserves an apology. I made it. The end.

-JOHNNY

ps. You're banned.

8:26 AM  
Anonymous Janet said...

All's forgiven, especially now that we have a picture of - not just one Orca - a pod of Orcas! Yay!

9:02 AM  
Blogger Anonymous said...

Just don't let it happen again, dammit!!!!!

10:51 AM  
Blogger beervolcano said...

Come on!

You've got to put up 4 posts every hour or so! Make sure you frame your statements and arguments poorly so that you defuse them altogether or reveal your closet Rebublicanism.

Like: "We have a tax-cutting war machine run by an incompetent moron."

See how you do it when you're in the ball-watching zone? Talk about a war machine, a thing that few people like, then put it next to tax cuts, which a lot of people like. It makes it seem like the war machine might not be so bad, as long as there are accompanying tax cuts.

You could have said that it was a treasury-milking war machine, but no that would have strengthened the statement by framing it properly. You had to make sure that the statement wasn't convincing to fence-sitters, and only to your flock. Therein lies your genius, the reason you are on the A-list.

11:43 AM  
Blogger beervolcano said...

Nope anonymous, I'm not in Knoxville, but I am down the road in Nashville. That link was just in a mix. I like to go around and find links on different sites, then compile them so they tell a complete story, then post them in comments sections. Pretty exciting, huh?

11:52 AM  
Anonymous johnny d-list said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:14 PM  
Blogger Johnny A-List said...

Nothing to see here, just taking out some trash.
-JOHNNY A-LIST

2:18 PM  
Blogger beervolcano said...

Yeah! Another Rove Operative shut down!

5:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey beervolcano - wate is the BEST EVER site to read all about Which Restaurant Failed Their Health Inspection This Week?!?! Washing lettuce in the mop sink!! Thawing meat dripping on salad fixings!!

LOL!!

6:51 PM  
Anonymous Weezie said...

Johnny...

I...need a moment to compose myself...

Once again, I am slain by the rapier that is your sweet, sweet pen.

I must go now and gaze upon the shores of the Baltimore Harbor and meditate upon Orcas and what it means to be a real American, like Johnny.

(sob)

7:57 PM  

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